Baby Geese are super cute but also extremely vulnerable.
If you have ever come across a Canadian Goose that’s nesting: watch out!
The Mother and Father usually stick together quite close and they will come at you if you go near their nest. The parents of these goslings will share the burden of warmth, comfort and encouragement while awaiting their babies.
If you actually watch; you will see how instinctively protective and nurturing these birds are. You just know not to fuck with their babies. If you do, you will certainly face the wrath of Mama Bird and Papa as well.
My Paternal Aunt began “re-mothering” me almost 2 years ago. It happened by accident but almost intentionally. Her Mother had been in the hospital after a Heart Attack so we had been spending more time together.
One of those evenings, I asked her something I had waited my whole life to ask: “How did you raise 3 kids on your own but they turned out happy and healthy?”
By this point, it was obvious to me and my Family something in my life wasn’t right. I had relapsed after the birth of my 2nd child, 6 months after she was born and I had relapsed hard.
We began talking on a regular basis and I started telling her more and more about myself, my childhood and my struggles. In turn, she did the same and through her I was able to finally get to know the side of my Dad I always wanted to know.
The stories I had craved to hear when I was a child; what was he was like as a kid, teenager? Did he have girlfriends? What did he like to do for fun? What was he like as a Father and how much did he love us? Finally came flowing out on a regular basis.
I started to realize how much I really connected to him; but also how important those short 7 years of love and nurture from him were. It was a powerful experience to finally appreciate how much of him is in me.
The process was not always easy. In fact, I know there were times I let her down and made her feel disappointed. She never made me feel that way though; at least not in the way I had always been treated and taught.
During this time, my life was ruled by Opiate Addiction so I know it wasn’t always easy for her. Active Addiction can be incredibly frustrating and confusing for someone who has never dealt with it.
Her unconditional love and commitment towards my children and my well-being never wavered.
For the last 2 years, my Aunt has guided me through Recovery, helping me to heal from childhood trauma and teaching me how to be the best Mother and Woman I can be.
She has done more for me emotionally, spiritually and physically than any Woman in my life has done before. She was instinctively protective of me, my children and my success as a Mother for their lives.
What made this experience special for us was the resulting bond that followed. She has a part of her Brother in her life and I have a part of my Dad.
Our family has experienced repeating Trauma from the deaths of her husband and my Dad. They both died in tragic car accidents, 7 years apart. Both men left 3 kids each without Father’s.
She spent her life working as a Nurse and raising her 3 kids; who are amazing people by the way. Each have genuine, individual personalities and qualities but the bond they share with each other and their Mother is what inspired me to reach out to her.
I simply asked her for help and without any hesitation; the journey began.
My Mother had been friends with my Aunt while in High School and then they worked together. If my Aunt hadn’t met my Mom and introduced her to my Father, I wouldn’t be here.
However, for almost 2 decades – they shared no relationship or friendship. So that meant we didn’t either. Typically in that type of situation, where you are raised to believe this person hates your Mother; you believe it.
I never believed it. I always knew my Dad’s sisters loved me despite the barriers to access and connection. I could tell by the way my Aunt’s treated their own children and us; plus they are all Nurses. There is a natural inclination to nurture in all of them; and in myself.
It is by sheer fate and determination that my Aunt and I were brought together to help each other heal from the Trauma of losing central figures in our lives.
What is “Re-Mothering?”
“To remother, to heal ourselves from this deep and penetrating wound is an ongoing practice. But first, we have to acknowledge the damage caused by the absence of this emotional foundation, and grieve the loss this empty hole has created.” – Asia Morgenthaler
I required the support and assistance of someone who has always loved me unconditionally, although I just didn’t know how powerful it was.
When I started my Recovery Journey 2 years ago, I was in no condition to do this on my own. I had done so much on my own already – it was time for some help.
My Husband, his family and my Mother all knew I was in serious trouble but I was left to my own devices. When you leave someone in Active Addiction to deal with themselves, it gets worse.
It was getting worse on a daily, monthly basis but my Aunt was the only one who took me under her wing to ensure I had a chance at Recovery.
It wasn’t the first time I had been Mothered by someone else; that has been a constant in my life for as long as I can remember.
However, it was the first time someone I was related to actually took to task and made good on their word. She never let me down, never made me feel inadequate or worthless.
My Aunt would spend hours listening to me and it felt insanely fulfilling to talk to her. Having my feelings validated for the first time helped me heal so much of the pain, doubt and disappointment around my Childhood.
This process taught me how to embrace the love I have for my children and confidently lead by my own example and experiences of Trauma by flipping the cycle.
The last thing I ever want is for my children to feel the pain and anxiety I felt as a child. A healthy, happy Mother is vital to the success of raising a happy, healthy child.
I hope everyone has an amazing, safe Weekend!