If someone or something had told me 442 days ago I’d be in this place versus the Hell I was living through – I would have probably just taken another Pill.

I would not have believed it and would have instead tried to convince you that these Pills helped me. That they made me “Better” and that I could function on just as high of a level while taking them than I could if I did not.

How crazy is that shit?

To actually believe that abusing hundreds of dollars worth of Pills a day; could actually be making ME better? Well it’s a reality for so many Women and Men and it does not matter if it’s prescribed or not. People become Addicted to whatever makes the pain go away.

Addictive behaviours can include: Shopping, Smoking, Drinking, Eating, Relationships, Porn, Sex, Control.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorders can resemble Addictive Behaviours as the persons brain literally goes haywire because they cannot achieve the Chemical Reward in the Brain that will satisfy that persons craving or urge. We all have compulsions and Addictive behaviours because we are all Human.

However, our Personality Type, Human Condition and other factors dictate the severity. Over time, the satisfaction and self-soothing effect resulting from an Addiction becomes too strong to just stop. You will require more and more of your “drug of choice” before the negative behaviours result in negative consequences.

Take for example a person who decides to have an Affair. It does not matter How or Why this happens because it is just the one time necessary in order to determine if it’s going to become Addictive or not. If the Sex is killer or the conversation enlightening; you may find yourself going back for more. Your Ego and Self-Esteem initially inflate because you are achieving a “High.”

The Risk of being caught.
The Thrill of someone new.
The Ego Boost of Attention and Lust.

The Emotional & Physical Rewards of the Hunt, the Chase and eventual nail down of your “drug” becomes overwhelming as you realize you haven’t felt this good in years. More and more, you must have your drug in order to achieve the same Chemical Rewards in your Brain; the same chemical released when someone abuses Heroin for example.

Without the constant stimulation and release; one would start to feel a Withdrawal Effect. It is just like that of a Substance being Detoxes from the body. It can mimic Physical symptoms of fatigue, pain along with Emotional ones like Anger, Depression and Anxiety. If you are an Empathetic Person; you would probably feel guilt and sadness too.

READ: The Brain’s Risk/Reward System Makes Our Choices, Not Us

Dopamine and Serotonin are released when we feel rewarded for something. This happens naturally, every day without us even doing anything other than living. Just smelling the top of your newborn Baby’s head can trigger a rush of these Chemicals.

These chemicals are responsible for the feelings of Love and Lust hence why they are so often confused with another.

Anyway; back to the Hot Affair:

So maybe by now, you have been having your hot love Affair with your new Partner for awhile. You have a false sense of security that no one knows you are having an affair because you haven’t told anyone but your behaviour will state otherwise. Just because it’s become easy to justify your bad behaviour doesn’t mean someone isn’t noticing.

This is where we start to form our false identity around our Addictive Behaviours and start to justify our choices:

“My wife is a controlling bitch and I’m not attracted to her any more.”

“I’m in love. I cannot help who I want or love.”

“You make me feel Awful about myself whereas She makes me feel Good.”

“He just “gets me.” I’ve never felt this way before about anyone.”

“If they don’t know, it won’t hurt them. I’ll tell them when I’m ready to leave.”

Over time, the Cheating Partner will begin to tell massive Lies or Omissions in an effort to cover their tracks. Similarity; drug users will hide their drugs, lie about the money spent and become Emotionally distant. On an Emotional Level; the person being cheated on starts to wonder what they have done. Their partner is acting distant; physically and emotionally.

In a desperate attempt to fix the situation, the person being cheated on will either excessively “People-Please” or they will become Emotionally Tortured by the confusion, rejection and intuition that something is wrong. They don’t know what exactly yet; but something is definitely up.

We will start to blame other factors for our increasingly shitty behaviour: Work, Stress, Kids, etc. but really we are just in Self-Preservation mode and we will act hostile if anyone tries to break down the walls we put up to protect our Addiction. This is when people start to act insane, hostile or angry because they don’t want you to know the truth about them or what they have done.

Whenever my Husband would ask me if I was using; I would go nuts. “Oh my god, of course not! How could you say that!” Not only was I in complete denial about my illness, as it would greatly impact my life if people knew the truth; I was also protecting it because it was the only thing that made me “feel normal.” I only felt normal as an Addict because my false sense of Identity allowed me to.

As long as no one knew, as long as I kept working as a Banker, having kids, paying the bills. As long as everything on the outside looked “normal” – I was too. Obviously now there is nothing normal about what I had been doing but while in the grips of a serious drug Addiction – crazy, insane behaviour is justified as normal so you can get your drug. It’s that simple and relatable.

Finally, there is a difference between explaining your actions and behaviour, outcomes versus Justification or abusing to Absolve. In some situations, if a Narcissistic Personality Type is involved; you will actually see them go to great lengths to completely absolve themselves from their actions by blaming someone else.

This destructive version of Self-Preservation can create the most damage as the person is not aware of their behaviour – still, as they try to cover up what they have done by destroying someone else. This is very popular behaviour observed in the Animal Kingdom.

They have no issues destroying their Family by leaving for the other person, or inflicting serious Trauma and Emotional Pain to their loved ones. No, this Personality Type will continue their Addiction, justify it and defend without ever making amends. These types of Addicts are the ones who create the falsehood of what Drug Addiction is really like.

Now, people make mistakes and forgiveness is warranted to anyone willing to make amends. When you discover someone has cheated; their reaction should dictate what type of person they are within the first hour of finding out:
  1. If they are capable of Empathy, Love and Compassion: they will cry with you, beg for forgiveness, break down and try to figure out how to fix it. It would be a defining moment in the relationship and it would either make or break one.
  2. If they are NOT capable of Empathy, Love and Compassion: their Affair becomes your fault. You did this. It’s your fault because you gained “weight after pregnancy or because you are lazy.” If you show any emotion; anger or sadness – you are pathetic and overly Emotional.

The reactions of each person when dealing with Conflict will determine the outcome. If two, very different Personality Types enter conflict together or inflict it upon each other; further trauma and conflict will result. It is almost impossible to reason with someone who has a Narcissistic Personality Type and an Addiction to boot.

When it came time to actually deal with my Addiction; I responded well to treatment because my Personality Type allows me to. I am able to recognize how my behaviour and subsequent consequences impacted my Life and that of my Family.

After 10 weeks of intensive, In-Patient Treatment; I was given the information I had wanted to know forever. I was validated as an Empathetic, Compassionate person with a Type-A Personality. They also confirmed there is no way I’d be able to convince them otherwise. By the end of my time there, all of the Counsellors who had been by my side were telling me how things really were.

It was a relief to finally hear and know exactly the type of person I am. Being properly assessed and treated was a vital aspect to my successful remission and Recovery. You can take Personality Quiz’s online but to actually have a determination made based on third-party, non-Emotionally biased opinions allowed me to let go of the incorrect identifiers the people who held Emotional Power over me has made over the last few years.

It’s important to know exactly what kind of person you are and how your Personality Type impacts your day-to-day life.

I had to let go of so much pain surrounding my Addiction, Recovery, Divorce, etc. that effected my sense of self. The biggest one would have to be Work as the people who hold Emotional Power over me like to refer to this as being another Addiction of mine. I can tell you it’s not, it may have been before when I didn’t know better but now my Career interests come 3rd to Recovery and my Children.

Recovery has to come first, always, because without it – I am not in Recovery. I cannot be a happy, healthy Parent/Mother without it. My children will never come second to anything or anyone but Recovery is an Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual thing. It does not hold Power over me in a negative way; it motivates me to be a better person, Woman, Mother and Friend.

READ: Meyer Friedman

In his 1996 book dealing with extreme Type A behavior, Type A Behavior: Its Diagnosis and Treatment, Friedman suggests that dangerous Type A behavior is expressed through three major symptoms: (1) free-floating hostility, which can be triggered by even minor incidents; (2) time urgency and impatience, which causes irritation and exasperation usually described as being “short-fused”; and (3) a competitive drive, which causes stress and an achievement-driven mentality. The first of these symptoms is believed to be covert and therefore less observable, while the other two are more overt.[12] -Wikipedia

Family Enmeshment Disney-fied:

Most Disney movies show Cycles of Family Enmeshment as we expect Girls to marry a Prince.
The movie “Frozen” is a wonderful example of how two sisters escape the roles planned for them based on Family Enmeshment and Cycles.

The two Sisters are left Orphaned but the repetitive Morals, Values and Protocols of their Family dictate how these Sisters shall live. The one with the “condition;” which would clearly be the sister who needs to wear gloves to control her out of this world Anger/Freezing problem – is the “Golden Child,” put on this Earth to continue her Parent’s legacy.

The “Spare” aka: the other sister; she is just there and she is expected to support whatever her sister does because she is the Golden Child, the Special One. Unfortunately, you cannot have any independence or autonomy because everything you do is a reflection of your Parents, the “Family” and of course, your Sister.

Should your Golden Sister get herself into trouble – self-inflicted or not; the Spare (now a “Rescuer”) shall drop everything, fly up the mountain and deal with the situation to everyone’s mutual satisfaction.

Sound familiar?

Do you see how easy it was for Anna to fall into a Relationship with that Con-Artist/Fake Prince at the beginning of the movie?

She didn’t know any better as she had no identity separate from her Family. She was just doing exactly what her parents had told her she should do – get married to someone of Royal Blood and breed.

I look forward to the Sequel. Have a great day.

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